Oh I Wish That I Could be Richard Cory
by Animation On Dreaming
Summary: Sasuke has just realized he resembles a character from the 1920's poem Richard Cory, and goes to pester Naruto about it. Neji has a similar issue and Shikamaru becomes annoyed. Oneshot. Implied SasuNaru and NejiShikaNeji. Hilarious ;


A sound from outside. A tapping. As if someone gently rapping, rapping at-

"Nhhhh!"

_-Tap tap tap-_

"Go away!"

"_Naruto, I'm not going away."_

Naruto made an exasperated sound and wiggled out of the covers. He padded over the window, glaring at the presence on the other side of the glass. He pulled open the window and grumbled, "What do you want, Sasuke?"

"Hn." Sasuke entered without explanation, which only irked the other boy further. Sasuke lowered himself onto the bed. "Naruto, we have a problem."

Naruto snapped to attention, "What is it? Oh my God, Sakura's been kidnapped hasn't she? Oh God, we have to go get her!" He grabbed Sasuke's shoulders. "We have to save her Sasuke! We have to GO! _NOW! _We gotta-"

The unmistakable sound of palm connecting with cheek resounded so clearly in the nearly empty room that Sasuke almost flinched.

Almost.

"Naruto," He spoke with a calm reasurance, yet in a tone as sour as milk a week past it's expiration date. "Sakura's _fine_. Everyone is fine. Well, as fine as they'll ever be."

Naruto blinked and rubbed his cheek, ignoring the fact that the last few words Sasuke had said were accompanied by a distressingly disturbed look on his face. "Then what the hell is the problem? And _why _did you hit me, Bastard?"

Sasuke spent a long, hard moment of indecision looking at Naruto like he had just explained the 11 dimensions of reality, in Czech, backwards.

Finally, he spoke. "I think I'm turning into Richard Cory."

Silence.

Naruto went utterly deadpan.

And then, he was promptly flabbergasted. "_What_!?"

Sasuke explained. "Richard Cory, he's a character in a poem by Edwin-"

"I know who Richard Cory is," He interrupted with a supreme since of chagrin, "I remember junior year English. What the hell makes you think you're turning into _that _poor bastard?!"

Sasuke slumped. He oozed frustration. "Because, I heard the song, and then I went and read the poem..and..."

Sasuke's head drooped so Naruto couldn't see his face. He handed Naruto a paper Naruto didn't notice he had until that moment.

"What is this?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke didn't look up. "It's the poem."

Naruto read:

.

_Whenever Richard Cory went down town,_

_We people on the pavement looked at him,..._

_And he was always quietly arrayed,....._

_And he was rich..._

_And admirably schooled in every grace_

_In fine, we thought that he was everything_

_To make us wish that we were in his place.._

_And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,_

_Went home and put a bullet through his head._

_._

Naruto looked incredulously at the paper. "Goddamnit Sasuke..."

"Flip it over."

Naruto did. It was the song, Richard Cory, by Simon and Garfunkle:

_._

_Born into society,....._

_He had everything a man could want: power, grace, and style...._

_The papers print his picture almost everywhere he goes:_

_Richard cory at the opera, richard cory at a show....._

_Oh, he surely must be happy with everything hes got....._

_So my mind was filled with wonder when the evening headlines read:_

_Richard cory went home last night and put a bullet through his head._

_. _

"God DAMNIT Sasuke!!" Naruto exclaimed once he was finished.

Sasuke's head finally went up. "What?"

"You skipped half the song AND the poem!!"

"I copied the parts that applied to me." Sasuke said reasonably.

Naruto threw his hands up in the air. "Bastard, you are retarded. Listen, in both poem AND song, it says that Richard Cory is rich, popular and envied. So are you."

Sasuke nodded. "So you see-"

"It also says," Naruto interrupted "That he gave to charity, lived in a place of poverty, had supreme social skills, threw lots of parties and had plenty of sex. YOU, live in an upper middle class neighborhood, loathe parties, despise people, have had one sexual partner, and think that charity is a waste of time. You are NEVER going to end up like Richard Cory, so get out of my bedroom, go home, and if you ever bother me like this in the middle of the night again then I'm going to destroy your Internet, burn your books and break every piece of technology in your home. And if anyone should be worried about ending up like Richard Cory it's Neji, so go home and go to sleep!"

Sasuke stared at Naruto for a very long moment, processing the last statement Naruto had made. After mulling it over in silence, Sasuke consented to the information. "Hn. Your right, for once. But I came all the way over here, I'm staying here tonight."

Naruto mumbled something about psychotic bastards mooching room and board when they could afford to keep up a small village, but he scooted over in the bed obligingly.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called, not bothering to turn around and face the other boy.

"Hn?"

There was a pause. "I never said anything about Neji being like Richard Cory, okay?"

"Hn." Sasuke smirked into the darkness.

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At that exact moment in a house three blocks South of where the two boys slept, Hyuga Neji awoke with a start. His mind had been plagued with the name _Richard Cory_ for weeks now. His dreams were haunted with the image of himself in Richard Cory's place. Every night it was like this, just the same. Maybe..he could try to talk to someone about it. In the form of a hypothetical situation, of course.

Neji sat up and gently shook Shikamaru awake.

"Nhhh..what is it, Neji?" He garbled, not moving from his comfortable position, curled on his side.

Neji cleared his throat. "Shika, do you remember reading Richard Cory junior year?"

Inwardly, a massive groan passed through Shikamaru.

"No, I don't." He lied. "Now go back to sleep and never say that name to me again because you are nothing like some lame ass horn dog in a stupid 1920's poem."

Neji blinked.

"Uh..alright then." He stammered, not knowing what else to say. He lay back down and was thinking that maybe he'd ask Hinata about it later when he heard a quiet mumbling from behind him.

"What was that, Shika?" He inquired.

"No orgies."

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:D A note from the Author~

Hi guys. I thought I'd take a moment to explain my crack: no, I'm not nor have I ever been smoking crack. Wait..you smoke crack, right? God damn it...But I digress. I have been out of the fanfiction game for a while now but I was cleaning out my laptop and I discovered a summary I wrote for a story I had in my brain, what you see above. I remembered how much I loved the idea so I went ahead and wrote it all out for you. Yes yoouu. Because I love you that much!

Anyway, it has not been edited, so if you want to feel free.

So..Happy 4th of July 09, and I hope you enjoyed it. I did :D

[P.S, I have a few poem/story ideas similar to this one, if you liked it let me know and I'll continue writing them : )]


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